


Sadderdaze: a BaekXing Story

by zyxxabv



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: BaekLay, BaekXing, EXO - Freeform, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 18:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13793280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zyxxabv/pseuds/zyxxabv
Summary: Baekyun cannot tell if he is hallucinating Yixing anymore.Since Yixing left, he feels like he is underwater, unable to breathe.Yixing is Oxygen and Baekhyun is dying to breathe.





	Sadderdaze: a BaekXing Story

   It’s been 301 days since he last came.   
301 days since they saw each other, touched each other, kissed each other and Baekhyun still remembers it as if it was just yesterday.  
The way he feels it, however; it was a lifetime. Four seasons have passed, hot summer days, rainy nights, and an eclipse that won’t appear in at least 5 more years; they are all gone and Yixing wasn’t by his side.  
Have you ever been underwater?  
Have you ever tried staying underwater? The first 20 seconds are fine, you can live without breathing. After those 20 seconds, your lungs start begging you for oxygen.  
Your head feels dizzy, your mouth wants to open and breath in, but there is nothing coming in.   
Your whole chest contracts, your heart fights to pump blood and supply your brain, so you can function.   
The water pressure starts affecting your limbs, you become numb, your skin may start to break and your lungs?   
They beg you for oxygen.  
Baekhyun has been underwater for the past 301 days. 301 fucking days.   
Yixing is oxygen and he is dying to breathe.   
How many times has he imagined this moment?  
301 nights.  
301 days.  
Baekhyun cannot tell if this is happening in his head or if he is really standing in front of him right now, leaning against the door.  
Unapologetic.

Baek eyes him from head to toe.  
His hair is now brownish, his skin has become paler, and even though Yixing has been away for a long time, his body looks the same.   
Skinner maybe? Baekhyun can’t tell. His memories didn’t do justice to the real thing.  
He continues to study him, his legs, his white shirt glued to his tummy, the yellow jacket and the flowers he carries on his left hand.

 “you make me feel little with the way that you are looking at me.” Fuck. It sounds like the real Yixing.

Baek blinks, mouth half open. He inhales deeply.   
Fuck. It smells like the real Yixing.   
He gulps down and dares to talk back to him.

“How do you want me to look at you then?” Baek steps back two steps, just to have a better view. The imaginary/maybe-real-thing Yixing takes this as an invitation to come in. Baek doesn’t stop him.

“I don’t know. Don’t look at me.” Yixing smiled.   
Fuck. He smiles like the real Yixing.

Baekhyun wants to cry. He really wants to cry.   
This may be the real Yixing. He tries talking again, but a knot on his throat has form, and it comes out as a whisper

“I can’t do that. It’s been 301 days since I last saw you.” He dares to extend his hand and touch his face.

Fuck. It feels like the real Yixing.

“I wonder who choose it that way,” Baekhyun says. Yixing closes the door behind him and places his hand on top of Baekhyun’s. Such soft hands, He lowers his gaze.

“You know, I didn’t want it this way,” Yixing says. He pushes the flowers he carries towards Baekhyun.

“Flowers?” Baekhyun takes them from his hand.  
Red Tulips.   
His favorites.

“I didn’t know what to bring you. I wanted to see if you would like to have dinner with me, so I stopped by the flower shop on my way here.” Yixing offers him a sad smile.

“You wasted time by going to the flower shop, instead of rushing here.”

Yixing says nothing. Baekhyun turns around and heads to the kitchen. Yixing follows close behind.

He reaches for a flower vase on top of the cabinets and fills it with water. He hugs the flowers tight before placing them in fresh water by the kitchen window.

Before turning around to face the love of his life, he counts to three, lets it go until four.   
Usually, imaginary Yixing disappears after three. Slowly, he dares to peak.

Yixing is still there. Maybe, just maybe… this is the reality, and Baek is not hallucinating.

“what is the point of dinner with you?” Baek asks. Yixing keeps his distance, maybe knowing that Baekhyun is being passive aggressive, and he doesn’t dare to make him angrier.

“I wanted to spent time with you.” Baek walks closer to him, like a magnet being pulled.

“what are we going to do after?”

“that depends on you.”   
Fuck. He is nice, like the real Yixing.

“are we going to make love?” Baek asks, a little too cheerful. Yixing giggles, and takes a huge step to close the distance between them.

“I would very much want to, as long as you want it to.”   
Fuck. He is a gentleman, like the real Yixing.

Somehow, he can feel, he can tell that this is not the real Yixing. He looks around for a clue, usually, something about the environment is off, but the kitchen he is in right now looks like his real kitchen. He focuses on Yixing again.

“and then what? You catch a plane to China tomorrow and leave me alone. Again?” He says. His legs are weak, but he must be strong. Being underwater for so long, he doesn’t care about his limbs anymore.

“Baekhyun…” Yixing makes a painful expression.

“No. if that is your plan, then I don’t want to.” He turns around, waiting for it to disappear. Usually, when Baekhyun defies him, imaginary Yixing fades away.

Instead, Yixing hugs him from behind.  “I still love you.” He says. “I love you. I loved you every day and I will love you some more tomorrow.”

Fuck. It is the real Yixing.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It’s the real Yixing.   
It’s been 301 days. 7,224 hours, 433,440 minutes without him.

Is Baekhyun finally breathing? It is painful to breathe, it is painful for his body, lungs, and heart. Maybe that’s why he feels so dizzy.  
Baekhyun smiles, finally turning around to face him, Yixing seems so real, so breathtakingly beautiful.

“Me too. I loved you too, and I will love you some more tomorrow.”

“I missed you.”

“Me too.” Baekhyun places his hands behind his neck, pulling him closer.

He is breathing in, he is breathing in Yixing, and it’s deliciously painful.

“Let me stay with you,” Yixing asks.

“You never left…”

“yes, I did-” Baekhyun kisses him. Quickly, with his eyes open because he is afraid he will disappear. Baekhyun assures him

“You stayed. YOU stayed… in my heart.”

Yixing pulls him closer by his waist and kisses him. Urgently, with a fervent desperation of 301 days.

Soon, they are a mess of hands and lips, and Baekhyun is now lying on the kitchen table, with his legs open and Yixing is on top kissing him. Every inch of his neck, and face and chest.  
 Baekhyun has trouble breathing, soon Yixing unbuttons his shirt completely and sucks his skin.

Baekhyun moans, and Yixing goes back to his mouth. They are kissing, sharing breath, caring and loving each other.

“are you really back? Are you really back?” Baekhyun asks between their kisses. His whole body is alive, vibrant under Yixing’s warm touch. He is gasping for air and suddenly his chest hurts.

Yixing stops kissing him and looks at him, apologetic.

“No…”

 

No…

Suddenly, the table vanishes and Baekhyun falls into black water.

No…

No… He struggles to swim to the surface, but the water pulls him deeper and deeper and deeper until he is lost…

No, no please come back. Comeback!

 

Someone opens his room’s door and shakes him awake.

“Baekhyun? are you ok?” Baekhyun opens his eyes slowly. He is crying, and everything seems blurry. He cannot tell who is next to him. He just breathes in, breathes out. Why? Why doesn’t his chest stop hurting!?

“it was a dream…” he says, sobbing. He is gasping for air. His room is dark, he is sweating, he inhales deeply,   
“aaah!! It was a dream” he leans his face against that someone that came to his rescue. That someone hugs him tightly, kisses his forehead, caresses his back, up and down.

“what, what did you dream?” that someone asks.

Oh?  
His head is pounding him.   
He is still trying to breathe.   
He is dying to breathe, and his oxygen is right next to him.

He looks up.  
Even in his dark room, he can tell the brownish color of his hair, the softness of his hands, the warmness of his touch.

Oh…

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you :)


End file.
